Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
-------------------------- ----- - ---------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his mother and asked: "Mom, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The mother replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your father, cause I still have mine"
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"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife £775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few pounds myself,"
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A doctor examined a man, took the wife aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your husband at all. "Me neither doc," said the wife. "But he's a great cook and really good with the kids.
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An old woman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old woman says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1.. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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My husband calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."
"Thank you," he says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well if you are that interested, I purchased them at "Le Chateau" but I doubt they have your size sir."
------- ------- -------------------------------------------------------
Molly: "My husband got me to believe in religion."
Joanne: "Really?"
Molly: "Yeah. Until I married him I didn't believe in hell."
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A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my wife and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and fourty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my wife's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get the speedos or the boxers?"
"Better get the speedos " she replied. "You'd never fill the boxers.
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
-------------------------- ----- - ---------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his mother and asked: "Mom, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The mother replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your father, cause I still have mine"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife £775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few pounds myself,"
-------------------------------------------------------------------- ---
A doctor examined a man, took the wife aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your husband at all. "Me neither doc," said the wife. "But he's a great cook and really good with the kids.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
An old woman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old woman says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1.. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
My husband calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."
"Thank you," he says, and hangs up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well if you are that interested, I purchased them at "Le Chateau" but I doubt they have your size sir."
------- ------- -------------------------------------------------------
Molly: "My husband got me to believe in religion."
Joanne: "Really?"
Molly: "Yeah. Until I married him I didn't believe in hell."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my wife and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and fourty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my wife's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get the speedos or the boxers?"
"Better get the speedos " she replied. "You'd never fill the boxers.